So many of the challenges we experience when communicating come from the singular place where we feel like we aren't understood by the person we're communicating with -- or we don't understand them.
And often, those challenges are rooted in assumptions we are making, often unconsciously, about where the other person might be coming from or how they might be feeling. We can't expect other people to read our minds, especially when we are going through tough and stressful times, yet that's often exactly what we do.
This is where we need to engage in something called "preventative" communication -- taking the initiative to share where you are and how you're feeling -- proactively.
Earlier this year, I wrote about the power of the "Check In" to help normalize doing this for your teams and for yourself. Preventative communication is another way of coming at the same concept. Being attuned to, and naming, how you are feeling and where you're coming from saves time and eliminates a huge number of unnecessary hard conversations -- not because you avoid them, but because you have them before they become hard.
A poet, writer, and modern philosopher I love, Yung Pueblo, who writes often about inter-personal relationships recently wrote about "preventative communication." And while this concept is useful in personal relationships, it's also useful at work.
He writes:
"Preventative communication can help stop unnecessary arguments in a relationship. When you take the time to let your partner know where you are in your emotional spectrum (meaning if you feel down, sad, happy, short tempered, etc.) it helps you both have the information you need to support each other well that day.
"You don’t always need to be asked “how do you feel today?” In fact, volunteering the information, especially when you are going through turbulent emotions, can be so helpful to the both of you. It helps you admit to yourself what emotions are currently passing through you and it helps your partner know when you are going through a tough moment. This level of communication can uplift self-awareness and help cut down on projecting your turbulent emotions onto your partner. Creating a culture of communication between the two of you will not only welcome in vulnerability but it will also help you remain flexible in the ways you show each other loving support.
"What you need one day may be quite different from the next. It is important to not expect your partner to read your mind, they simply can’t do that."
Think about this in your own communications at work and at home. Let me know what you think and how it works for you.