I've managed my fair share of hard work situations -- both legitimate crises and manufactured ones -- and hard conversations on everything from team dynamics to hard performance feedback.
I want to share some of the lessons I've learned about how to navigate these hard situations better through my work with current clients and in several jobs. It seems I'm sharing this guidance with clients a lot lately and want to share it with you:
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Many of the challenges we face at work -- made more complex by the challenges of hybrid work -- come from the difficulty we have communicating our ideas effectively and being heard by others.
When I get too wordy, in either speech or writing, it's a red flag to me that I haven't quite sorted out what I'm feeling or thinking. When I get nervous or anxious in a conversation, it's a red flag to me that I haven't unearthed my intent or my motives for me, for the other person, and for both of us.
So I need to get better at clarifying what I want to say and what I want people to hear. How do I want my audience to experience me?
In crisis communications as much as in strategy reviews and performance conversations, how you communicate is often as important as what you do.
And so the clearer we are on what we want to communicate, and about how well our audience will receive what we are communicating, the better. In a crisis, it's important to be as clear-sighted and as human as possible.
At work, more than in many other contexts, making sure we are on the same page and aligned with the same strategy, goals, and outcomes is important.
But how? Here are some of my best practices for navigating communication when you're in a hard situation:
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Write it out. Writing things out as a regular discipline is helpful in many ways. Giving yourself the space to write out a problem will give you the chance to work through any emotions surrounding it and get to the real root of what is wrong and how to fix it. When you put pen to paper, the ideas in your head become concrete. Building the discipline of putting your ideas onto paper can force clarity and alignment and help you zero in on areas of conflict or disagreement. Especially in a crisis, if you’re struggling to agree on a particular issue or project, write it out. This makes sure everyone has a chance to react and get on, well, the same page.
Respond Quickly. There’s usually a golden hour right after a crisis happens, especially in a social media environment. You should immediately ask yourself: “What would a reasonable person say here?” And then say it. This allows you to control the narrative and be seen as honest and empathetic. If you don’t know, say you don’t know. But leaving charges leveled against you or against others, or silence after something goes wrong, only allows others to develop stories about you, and it’s a lot harder to change people’s perceptions once they’re made. Balance not overreacting and not focusing too much on outrage. Being measured and thoughtful inspires confidence and empathy for your position.
Focus on process. When we are invested in our work, it’s only natural that we will take the results of our work personally. In some ways, this is great. We should all feel like the work we do matters and care deeply about our impact. But when conflicts arise, and they will, it’s easy to let those emotions cloud our ability to problem-solve. Often we become defensive or, when presented with negative feedback, look for a problem in the person delivering the feedback. When communicating about an issue, compartmentalize and segment. Identify what is going well, what isn’t, and how to fix those things. Identify and agree on the issues you’re talking about, and go one by one.
Agree to disagree. No matter how much we’d love to convince everyone to see things our way, sometimes they won’t. And that is okay. Being able to agree to disagree and then let the issue go is imperative to a healthy work environment. If an issue arises and you’re unable to move on, then you will need to go back to the all-important task of self-reflection. What is really bothering you? Are you simply bored or frustrated you haven’t gotten your way? Do you have a pattern of quitting a job in a rage every time things get hard? Know when to move on—and be careful to determine whether a sticking point is critical to moving forward in your job or just an argument you’re trying to win.
Focus on the bigger picture. Rarely do we go through a crisis or have a hard conversation with a stranger we'll never see again. Rather, we work with people we have ongoing relationships with -- and so it's important to ask ourselves what we want for the relationship over time. It can be tempting to make gossiping and venting a part of your day, no matter how unhealthy it is to the work culture. But the most successful teams don’t let this happen. Leaders are self-aware enough to know that behind one problem at work, another one arises. At its core, our job as a leader is about problem-solving, and our career will hopefully be a long one. So focus on what matters: the relationships we build and the path we setting for ourselves and our future. Try to get to a place of debate about facts and opinions rather than conflict around personalities or style as quickly and often as possible.
Speak slowly. Especially if you’re in a role where speaking is a big part of your job or you must repeat the same thing often (like a teacher, a clerk, a nurse, or a server), it’s super important to discipline yourself to speak slowly so the audience hears you. You’ll likely have a tendency to speak quickly because you know the recipe or the instructions by heart. But most people you’re speaking to are just hearing it for the first time—and since it’s not about what you say but about how they hear what you say, it’s your job to make sure they are hearing you. Make it seem like you’re talking with each person for the first time. Turn off the autopilot and engage directly with people as a person.
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